Tsk, tsk, tsk. So many gamers today have no idea of their heritage, or the fact that there’s nothing new under the sun!

With the proliferation of games like Wii Fit, it’s only natural that there’d be an exercise bike in the making, especially considering that Nintendo has done that exact same thing before, back in 1995. . .

The SNES Life Fitness Exertainment System cost $3,500 and those of you who were lifelong subscribers to Nintendo Power like myself should have seen the contest to win one! As a fat little kid who was well aware of being a fat little kid, I knew I needed that.

Unfortunately, I didn’t win, and thus my life is doomed to failure.

Only two games were made that worked appropriately with the bike: Mountain Bike Rally and Speed Racer (yes, THAT Speed Racer.) In these games, the faster you pedaled, the faster your character went. Unfortunately you couldn’t just pop in F-Zero or Super Paperboy and have it work, though you could probably play them using the controls on the handlebars. You’d just be pedaling for no (in-game) reason.

The games even had a built-in Program Manager that would help you keep track of calories burned and the like, just like a real exercise bike, and two other games were evidently in development: a weird Pac-Man game where he would get a gun (hell yeah, everything is better with a gun, just like Shadow the Hedgehog) and a remake of Tetris/Dr. Mario where pedaling faster got you more time.

Ah, SNES Life Fitness Exertainment System. Perhaps if you were more common, we gamers wouldn’t have our Cheeto dust covered stereotypes.